tl;dr I'm transgender, and it's okay.
I don't know how clear this already was. Some of you might have noticed that not so long ago I've changed my name on facebook. To my surprise, a very few have asked me about this; some of you have already known this, some people haven't noticed, or maybe too embarrassed to ask me such questions.
My name is Zoé, and as I don't identify with the gender I was assigned at birth, therefore by definition I'm transgender.
If you don't understand it, that's fine: I didn't understand it either. This is something I can't explain why, and it made me uncomfortable for 20 years. And all this time I suppressed a lot of what would have came naturally to me. I sacrificed a lot, just to fit in, while I was trying to figure out what's wrong with me.
It turned out there is nothing wrong with me. People assumed I was male, and for some time I believed them. But as someone who's fond of the scientific method, I made experiments, and it turned out I actually feel happier when I express my femininity. Of course first I was very scared of doing so; afraid of judgement, rejection, hostility. I got lucky, and for me, none of these fears turned out to be real.
My identity is something I'm still figuring out. I see myself outside of the strict binary split of male and female. I have masculine and feminine traits, and from now on I won't hide anything that feels authentic to me. I prefer to be addressed using gender-neutral pronouns, which is a non-issue in Hungarian (ő), a somewhat controversial topic in English (singular they), and a no-go in German (???). If you have to put me into a box, then I chose the one which is labeled “female”. This is also manifested in my name change.
If you are surprised, or feel uncomfortable, that's fine. Even for me it took quite a while to get rid of internalized transmisogyny, despite being personally affected by it, and researching the subject extensively. It's okay to ask questions, and I doubt I'll be offended by any of them. Maybe I won't or can't answer all of them; some things I still don't know.
Oh, and if we're already at coming out, then I'd like to share on a side note that I'm also bisexual, polyamorous, and a secular humanist. :)
To all the LGBT+ folks out there: I'm one of you. Even if you're not out yet, or even if you're just questioning, feel free to reach out to me privately.
I am very happy for everyone who is or has been part of my life. Thank you for being! I am excited about the future, and whatever it might bring. <83